is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
