All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Randomize
