You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
