Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
