No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
