I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
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The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
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I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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