If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
