I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?