I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not