I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
god, I love you
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.