Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
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I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
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The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.