dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
