Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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