6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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