my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
