I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
