y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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