my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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