he wants to bone in the snuggie
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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