There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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