How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
