you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
