I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
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Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
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Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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