apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
