I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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