how do flat chested girls get laid?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
