their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
