It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
