Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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