Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
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How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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