we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
