ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
