we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
