So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
