My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
