Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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