i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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