His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize