I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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