I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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