Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
