im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
