he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
