I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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