Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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