I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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