Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
