4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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