Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
