don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He's a Shit stain on my heart
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
