I molested 6 butterflies tonight
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize