i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
