The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
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I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
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Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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