dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
