I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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