You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Randomize
