It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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