MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
