Ambien. No doubt about it.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
