dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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