Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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