Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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