did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
