I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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