she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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